Reseller News

The predictive texter's guide to NZ

  • Greg Adams (Unknown Publication)
  • 15 July, 2009 22:00

I have the pleasure of living in Bucklame. It’s a great place – arts, shopping, beaches, big tower, harbour with sparkling waters, lattes, half a rugby stadium, squabbling politicians, busy roads …

Never heard of it?

You have, really. It’s my new cellphone’s predictive text function that hasn’t got a clue. So, when sending a text the other day, instead of spelling out Auckland (if you hadn’t already guessed), up came Bucklame … much to my amusement (and the recipient’s because I didn’t have the heart to change it).

Of course, predictive texting is fraught with pitfalls and possibilities at the best of times; proper names are a recipe for dictionarial disaster. Bucklame is probably getting away lightly. There must be some others that are worth taking note of.

So, naturally, in the name of Reseller News research – but more likely because I just happen to have a few idle minutes before Shortland Street starts – I just had to find out more about ‘Predictive Text Names’ as I’m now calling them, or PTNs for short. What would it come up with for other places in Botebuma (that’s Aoteatoa to you and me)?

What about our capital? Well … well, actually, positively, absolutely nothing. Just plain old Wellington. Spelled perfectly correctly. That’s pretty dull and boring, isn’t it?

Christaitsag … anyone? Yep, Christchurch.

Fumedim … Dunedin, naturally.

Like Wellington, Hamilton, Nelson and Hastings are no fun whatsoever and came out exactly as it says on the map.

Tauramic (Tauranga), though, sounds good, a bit like an exotic spice. Isn’t Blemiego (Blenheim) an island resort somewhere in the Caribbean? And the most optimistic place in New Zealand is clearly Hope … but you’ll have to go via Gore to get there.

I guessing you get it by now. Here are a few PTNs for you to try, all here in beautiful Botebuma. Any ideas for:

Vinapt

Maries

Intercapgijj

Or better known to you and me as:

Timaru

Napier

Invercargill.

There. See? Now you’re getting the hang of it. What about:

Mamast

Grewmotui

Suffoptmyo.

Of course, that’s:

Oamaru

Greymouth

Queenstown.

How did you go?

And, after all that, my favourite? I must admit I did quite like Bucklame. Although, having ‘lame’ in the name maybe isn’t the right sort of expression the city’s marketers are looking for.