It's not you, it's me
- 03 July, 2012 22:00
Relationships can be hard, the longer you are in them the more they shape you as a person. If you get the right fit and manage to fulfil Maslow's hierarchy of needs, this will allow you to grow positively as a person. For those of you that haven’t done a first year course in economics those needs are Physiological, Safety, Belongingness, Esteem, and Self-Actualisation. Of course if a relationship starts to fall apart on you there are couple of choices. You can conform to try and fit to the environment or, depending on your personal appetite for risk, you can chose to start again and go in a new direction (burning bridges behind you is always optional).
With this in mind after I recently collected my thoughts in the equivalent of a “Dear John” letter, and told my boss that I had been seeing other people and that it was now time to dump my job. While I had enjoyed the good times together after some serious self-investigation I had come to realise that I was looking for something the company was not able to offer, and beside I had already committed to a new relationship with another company, so if we didn’t stop hanging out this was going to get really awkward. I handed back my after-hours access pass, made sure that I had updated all the client details in their client relationship management system and wished them luck for the future.
These days much like personal relationships, looking for jobs has found a short cut with online recruitment sites. The similarities are staggering. Just like online dating there are vagaries and hidden agendas, flaws are often hidden and sometimes (telesales and door to door) opportunities misrepresent themselves. Even their names bring to mind the idea that you are looking for something like a date e.g. Seek and Trade Me. I also find that looking for jobs on a site called Trade Me is a killer to your self-esteem, especially as you are trying to convey your unique attributes and skills to gain attention.
Then of course there are employment agencies. Sitting down over the last few weeks, effectively looking for a new relationship, I find this is reminiscent of being set up by your friends. This can and has in certain cases come down to the point where they know someone is looking, they know you are looking and that’s enough for them.
So there is the first meeting sitting down with someone and running through your good points, making yourself sound like you are the perfect man/woman/other. This of course always leads to the question, so what happened in you last relationship, how did that fall apart? No one wants to make the same mistakes of bad past employment relationships and they want to make sure that they are not responsible for getting into the same situation. Then, just to make sure you don’t feel too comfortable about your prospects they ask “What are your weaknesses?”
Finally when you are successful in finding “the one” and all the terms of your new relationship have been agreed, if you are anything like me you will experience a couple of things. Firstly your friends will be sick if you telling them about all the great new experiences you are having, how this time you have found a perfect fit to the point that they are sick of hearing about it. Secondly and most importantly you will be living by the rule do what you love and you will reach the elusive state of self-actualisation.