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Dear Tech Santa

Dear Tech Santa

Firstly, an apology. To the person who I texted a blank message about 47 times early last Saturday morning – you know who you are so I won’t embarrass you publicly – all I can say is, sorry, I’m a complete nitwit.

You see, I had gone for a hearty cycle ride and, in my wisdom, decided the best place for my cellphone was in my back pocket. Yes, I know, you can see the flaw in my plan a mile off. But me? Nope.

So, there I was pounding the streets while my butt was giving the keyboard a full workout. My trusty 1-2-3 lock-out didn’t so much ‘lock-out’ my gluteus maximus as invite it in for a Twister party and, hey presto, text after text after text after text after text after text … as I went happily along blissfully unaware of the inconvenience I was causing (not to mention what this little jaunt was costing me).

My apologies once again. Mind you, I guess we should be grateful for small mercies… it could have been a pxt!

One of my favourite bits about Christmas is checking out the ‘gadgets’ catalogue that always appears in the mailbox at this time of year. I’m sure you know the one. It’s stuffed full of things that never seem to make it onto the shop shelves, but some of them look and sound so cool.

This year there has been something of a bumper crop. Here’s my tips for the top five ‘slightly-oddball-but-fun-all-the-same’ tech pressies that could be appearing in your Santa Sack this year.

5. At number five, the possum-fur ‘cellphone bag’. A stylish little number for keeping your mobile as warm as toast. A “fabulous luxury gift” apparently – waterproof, windproof (‘cos that’s important …!) and “supporting the market solution that helps to save our native forests”.

4. Then there’s the Deluxe ‘Pocket’ Weather Station, which does pretty much what it says on the box. This hand-held marvel can show the temperature, humidity … and the time (go figure). It can also forecast the weather thanks to a dinky barometric pressure meter. Imagine the fun you could have pitting your weather station against the ‘pros’ on the telly … or, if you’re bored, impressing your colleagues with what it’s going to be like in the afternoon.

3. Solar powered all sorts – I couldn’t choose between a solar-powered AM/FM radio, solar-powered torch or solar-powered fairy lights, so it’s a tie … okay, I lied, I go for the fairy lights – how cool is that.

2. Runner-up was the LED Ear Torch. “Keep hands free while illuminating the area in front of you … without disturbing others.” Yep, that’s what it says. Unbelievable. Can you imagine a headset on one side and this thing on the other?

1. And here it is – drum roll – the simply unmissable tech gift for 07. The surefire stocking-filling sensation this festive season … the Dynamo Cellphone Charger. “Three minutes’ wind-up gives about five minutes’ talk time” and “let the kids wind it up for you”, so the brochure says. It comes with adaptors for most cellphone brands.

I’m definitely putting this in my letter to Santa … and the possum-fur cellphone bag, too. I’ve been good. It should be a done deal.


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